How Many?
by GorgeousSmile
Summary: Joanne asks Maureen how many people she has ever slept with, and the diva tries to avoid answering. Oneshot. MoJo Fluff.
1. Chapter 1

How Many?

Joanne let out a pleasurable sigh as she fell against the bed breathlessly, her body currently drugged with that pleasant feeling of orgasmic bliss.

"You are _so_ good at that…" Joanne whimpered her body slowly calming down.

Maureen crawled up the bed, popping out from under the covers, hovering over Joanne with a playful smile on her face. "That's what all my girlfriends say."

"Shut up!" Joanne giggled, hitting Maureen's shoulder.

Maureen laughed, lowering herself on Joanne, giving her a long drawn out kiss, before rolling to her side of the bed.

Joanne turned on her side, propping herself up on her elbow, the wheels in her head turning as she studied Maureen. Maureen turned her head to face Joanne, knowing the lawyer had something on her mind.

"What?"

Joanne shook her head clear, "Nothing."

"Tell me." Maureen smirked, poking Joanne in the shoulder, urging her to carry on.

"Okay..." Joanne said, letting her eyes fall to her hand, which was drawing small invisible circles on the sheets. "How many..." she paused for a second, but then decided to go for it, her interest nagging her to ask this question," How many people have you been with?"

Maureen's face completely fell at the question, not at all prepared for it. Their relationship was fantastic right now, minimal fighting, and lots of sex. If the diva gave her a number, it would for sure trigger a useless fight.

So Maureen rolled on her side, shutting her eyes tightly, "I'm tired, goodnight!" She added quickly, pulling the covers over her head.

Joanne giggled, and reached out pulling the blanket back. She shifted closer to Maureen draping an arm over her waist. "Honeybear, come on...it's a simple question, how many people have you slept with before me?"

Maureen let out a fake snore. "I'm sleeping."

"Come on Maureen." Joanne said, "We always talk after sex, let's talk now..."

"Okay...the truth is..." Maureen began as she rolled over to face Joanne, her expression full of excitement, "I only ever slept with you and Mark. I lied about everyone else...I know I'm ashamed...but-" Maureen's face fell at Joanne's reaction, "You're laughing..."

"Because you're lying through your ass!" Joanne snorted.

"How dare you accuse me of lying?" Maureen said, hurt in her voice. "You know what...I'm not talking to you for the rest of the night...goodnight!" with that she rolled on her back and closed her eyes.

"Maureen...drop the act okay." Joanne said, "Remember back before we started dating? The first time I laid eyes on you, you were half naked, trying to get away from some woman's angry boyfriend because she cheated on him with you."

Maureen smiled at the memory, letting the flashback replay in her head. "I remember...me, her and her boyfriend had a threesome three days later..."

"Hey...you and I went on a date three days later..." Joanne said, "Now that I think about it, you were late for that date too!"

"Not because of the threesome..." Maureen quickly lied, "because I was...trying to ditch Mark..."

"Oh..." Joanne said, getting lost in thought for a moment. "Well anyways...so yeah, I know you've been with more than two people...and I know it's at least four now...so tell me for real, how many?"

"Come on Joanne I don't wanna play this game." Maureen whined, "Can't we leave at least at little bit of mystery in our relationship? Somebody always gets hurt when this question pops up and the truth comes out."

"Come on I want to know..." Joanne said, while seductively walking her fingers up Maureen's arm. "I won't get mad or anything...you've grown up a lot since then, I know you're mine now..." she smirked, kissing Maureen's shoulder.

Maureen smiled at the thought. She had grown up a little, and she didn't admit it to anyone else, but she loved the thought of _being_ Joanne's. But that still didn't change her mind about telling Joanne her _number_.

"What is it?" Joanne smiled, "Eight? Nine? Even maybe ten?"

_Oh boy Joanne has no idea..._

"Mine is five..." Joanne willingly answered, while curling up on Maureen's side, resting her head on the diva's shoulder, her finger drawing soothing circles on the diva's firm stomach.

"Good for you Pookie." Maureen said, kissing the lawyer on the forehead. "Tell me about them..." She said, trying to avoid her turn to answer the question.

"You really want to know about my past sexual experiences?" Joanne asked with wide, questioning eyes.

"Yeah, why not? The past is the past right?" Maureen asked.

"Well...my first time was in my dorm room at Miss. Porter's..." She began, filling Maureen in on her past relations with people. A half hour later, she finished with, "And then number five was with you."

"Interesting..." Maureen said, pulling Joanne close. "Let's go to sleep now."

"Maureen." Joanne sighed, "Come on I told you my number..."

"But I didn't ask." Maureen said.

"Please..." Joanne said, her tongue swirling up Maureen's neck, until it came to a stop so she could plant sweet, wet kisses behind her ear, the diva's favorite spot to be kissed.

"Fine..." Maureen moaned, and let a random number slip from her mouth, "It's ten." She lied, flipping Joanne on her back. "Happy now?"

Joanne only nodded, getting the impression Maureen was lying, but she didn't provoke anything as Maureen trailed kisses down her chest, her head disappearing under the covers, her kisses traveling down her stomach. "Oh yeah…I'm happy." Joanne sigh contently, her eyes involuntarily closing, a smile on her face, her curiosity slipping away with each moan.

The next morning, while the diva was asleep, Joanne snuck out of bed, curiosity once again surging through her body, knowing for a fact that Maureen had lied about her number. So she did the next best thing and called Collins, the one person who knew Maureen even more than the diva knew herself.

Joanne sunk onto the couch, a blanket wrapped around her still naked figure. She picked up the phone and began to dial Collins' number. The professor picked up after two things, causing the lawyer to smile.

"Hey Collins…I need to ask you something about Maureen." Joanne smirked, her fingers playing with the cord of the phone, desperately wanting to know how many people Maureen had slept with.

"Sure." Collins said, and even though Joanne couldn't see him, she could picture that big grin of his plastered on his face.

"How many people has Maureen ever slept with?" Joanne asked, "She told me to ask you." She quickly added, knowing Collins wouldn't give her an answer right away, if he didn't have permission from Maureen to do so.

Collins chuckled loudly, and he mumbled an answer over the phone, causing Joanne's face to drop, her body sinking into the couch with disappointment, but it didn't stop her lungs from working as she screamed out in shock,

"TWENTY-SEVEN!"

Maureen bolted awake, her heart pounding in her chest as she heard Joanne's voice echo through the apartment, a number attached to that angry voice. It wasn't just any number either, it was _her_ number.

"I'm going to _kill_ Collins!" Maureen swore under her breath, as she jumped out of bed and quickly pulled her clothes on. "But first I am going to get away from Joanne before she can kill me!"

With that, the diva pulled on a sweat shirt and pants, and ran for the window, hoping she could make a get away down the fire escape before her angry girlfriend did God only knows what to her for being such a...what's the word, slut!

The End!

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**I Don't Own Anything! **


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm a bit nervous about this...cuz i had no idea how to make Joanne react, but since i had requests for me to write a part two, i gave it a try! **

**So here you have it...Joanne's reaction. **

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Part two: How Manny? - Joanne's reaction

"Where do you think you're going?" Joanne asked, her jaw clenched, her arms folded.

Maureen froze in her spot, one leg halfway out the window, her eyes glued to the city outside, wishing she could be out there, instead of inside with her angry girlfriend. "Ummm…"

Joanne slowly walked over to the window and pushed the diva away. She slammed the window shut, and slowly turned around, her eyes burning into Maureen, "Perhaps going out to look for sex partner number twenty-eight?"

"Pookie…listen…I…"

"Are disgusting!" Joanne yelled, "You are a filthy, sick, nympho!"

Maureen scrunched up her face. "Nympho? If you're going to call me names, at least use real ones."

"That is a real one Maureen! And I think you need to go see a therapist!" Joanne said, "Who in their right mind has sex with so many _different_ people?"

"Apparently nympho's." Maureen informed her. She then put on her pout, and began to approach Joanne, "Come on Pookie, you asked me the question. If you never asked we wouldn't be having this fight right now would we?" she asked, pursing her lips a little more, reaching out for her lover.

"Don't touch me!" Joanne said and stepped back. "I don't know where you've been."

"I've been with you." Maureen said.

"You're twenty-nine years old." Joanne said. "And you had sex with twenty-seven different people…did you start having sex at the age of two!? One person for each year!?"

"No, more like grade nine…" Maureen said, "You can't get mad…you're number twenty-seven. You are my last one too! My number will not get any bigger." Maureen assured her with a bright smile, "You cured me baby…"

"No Maureen I didn't…you want sex twenty-four hours a day. That is a problem!" Joanne said.

Maureen huffed and crossed her arms, "So I have a high sex drive, it doesn't mean I have a problem." She lowered herself to the bed, "You can wipe that disgusted look off your face too…you're making me feel ashamed."

"You should be." Joanne spat with a bitter laugh, "Twenty-seven people! Twenty fucking seven people!"

"I'm going to make it thirty, if you don't stop yelling!"

"Have you ever heard of STD's?" Joanne asked.

"Have you ever heard of condoms?" Maureen fired back.

Joanne crossed her arms, her eyebrows arched with furry, "So out of all those twenty-seven people, you're telling me you never contracted anything?"

"Yeah I did!" Maureen shouted jumping off the bed, heading for the bathroom, "I caught the Joanne Jefferson herpy." Joanne's face fell, and Maureen nodded, "Yeah that's right! You bitch and moan, it makes me _burn_ inside! And sometimes I just want to scratch your eyes out when you roll them at me! Symptoms: makes me burn, makes me want to scratch, and sticks around forever!"

"At least I'm not a slut!" Joanne said

"Whatever!" Maureen said, storming into the bathroom, slamming the door shut.

"Seriously…" Joanne began, knocking on the bathroom door, "You need to see a therapist."

"I'm not going to see some stupid therapist!" Maureen yelled, "I don't have a problem, I'm just horny!"

"Maureen!"

"No!" Maureen said, "What will you do, be mad at me!? Ooo…I'm scared!"

Joanne thought about a punishment, and soon a smirk hit her face, "If you don't I won't have sex with you."

Silence

"Maureen?" Joanne called out.

"I can cope without you." Maureen said. "There are other ways of pleasuring myself."

"For how long?" Joanne asked with a knowing smile.

Silence

Joanne continued on, "No more dirty kinky positions, no more acting out your fantasies with handcuffs, no more-"

"Okay!" Maureen said opening the door, "I'll go talk to someone!"

"Thank you." Joanne said, "Now go take a shower…and wash your va-jay-jay extra good… I don't want to touch that thing until I know it's clean."

"You're a bitch." Maureen mumbled,

"At least I'm not a slut." Joanne said, and turned to walk away,

"Okay you can stop calling me that!" Maureen said the hurt evident in her voice, "I get it, I slept with a lot of people."

Joanne turned back around, catching the tears stinging Maureen's eyes. "Honeybear… don't cry."

"Too late!" Maureen said with fret, tears freely flowing from her eyes. "I know people talk about me behind my back, and I know I'm a bitch sometimes, and yes I am a slut, but when you hear it from someone you love and the person who is supposed to love you back…it actually hurts…"

"I'm sorry." Joanne said, wrapping her in a hug. "I'm just upset."

"Why?" Maureen asked, "It's not like I cheated on you. You are twenty-seven. Mark was twenty."

"Poor Mark." Joanne mumbled, stroking the diva's hair while she sobbed.

"You're disgusted by me aren't you?" Maureen cried nuzzling her face in Joanne's neck.

"No…no…" Joanne sighed, "I'm just shocked…"

"Well let it go." Maureen sniffled. "That's the past, and I've grown up a little since then, I'm with you now, okay?"

"You're number isn't going to get any bigger?" Joanne asked,

"No…" Maureen said with a smirk, "You're the best sex I ever had. You're very adventurous when it comes to sex…I love it."

"Thank you." Joanne smiled, wiping a tear from Maureen's cheeks. "Go take a shower, I'll make us some breakfast."

Maureen nodded, and skipped to the shower, while Joanne left the bathroom with a grin on her face. "Best sex out of twenty-seven people…I must be amazing!"

Two day's later Maureen went to life support. She refused to go see a therapist, so as a way to humor Joanne, she went to life support.

"Everyone welcome Maureen." Paul said, and everyone greeted the diva. "So Maureen tell us what's troubling you."

Maureen stood up, brushing a few stray curls from her face, "Hi everyone…I'm Maureen Johnson and I'm a sex addict."

Two weeks later:

"Joanne…" Maureen whined, crawling across the couch, lying in between the lawyer's legs. "I'm horny." She bluntly stated.

"Maureen!?" Joanne asked shocked. "Hasn't life support taught you anything?"

"Yeah…how much of a waste of time it is. I spend an hour there, when I could be spending that hour in bed naked, with you!"

"You need help." Joanne stated shaking her head.

"I need you…" Maureen whispered, "Inside of me ASAP…"

"As long as you promise me one thing." Joanne said, her fingers wrapping under the drama queen's chin. "Your number stays twenty-seven, and when people ask, you say you've only been with seven people, me being the seventh one."

"Okay, okay." Maureen said, "Can we do it now?"

"Get your ass into the bedroom!" Joanne ordered.

"Pookie!" Maureen squealed with delight. "I love when you're demanding." She then raced to the bedroom door, leaning up against the frame seductively, "I may have slept with twenty-seven people, but you will always be number one on my list!"

The end!

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**Meh...**

**Thanks for reading and reviewing! I'm happy you all liked it so much, you wanted a part two! ;D **

**THANKS AGAIN!**


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